you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
