y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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