god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
