well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
