I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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