Only a mothe r could love this liver
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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