so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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