I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
