she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
