it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was born a porn star she said
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
