i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
