there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
