Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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