This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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