my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
