I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
