Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
