I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
