don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
