just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
