New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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