im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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