Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
