I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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