also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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