Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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