i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
