Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
