Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
