hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
