He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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