i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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