I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
