about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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