I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
