I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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