I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
