bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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