How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
