I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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