hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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