Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
