I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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