She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
