i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
