you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ketchup is God's man juice
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i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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