And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
