Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
