I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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