We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
