I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would fuck him just for his dog
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
