GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
