Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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