I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
