Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
