Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
