I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
