Someone shit on the floor
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
