I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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