I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
