i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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