I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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