so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
