where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
