plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
