i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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