So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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