Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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