Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
