2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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