He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
