you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
third nipple confirmed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
