Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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