so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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