When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
